The Decided Life and Fulfillment

"If I were fulfilled...I'd be happy!"

Fulfillment is an allusive objective.

What most "Fulfillment seekers" do not realize is that they are simply trying to live a math equation!

The number that they seek is "1".

Huh?

A+B+C+D...=1

"A, B, C, D" and others being those things, experiences, etc that the individual believes add to the fulfilling experience.

"1" being the moment of fulfillment.

As long as the final number is less than "1" the individual remains unfulfilled.

This is complicated by the fact that there are negative numbers in the equation too!  In fact, there are two general categories that the negative numbers fall into:

• Past regrets and failures that detract from the present moment
• Present situations that detract from the present moment

This endeavor is further complicated by an individual's future goals.  In a worse case scenario, individuals become so future (dream) oriented that they lose sight of the present!

Thinking this through

Now that we understand the components of fulfillment, what does this mean in our achieving it?

You probably noticed that every element had something in common.  It was their affect on the present.

AHA!  Fulfillment is what is happening in the present and its experienced is totally dependent upon how one perceives the past and future...not to forget...what they are doing in the present...

I absolutely love the image at the beginning of this article...It explains fulfillment in the fewest words possible...

It is recognizing that the past is gone and is absolutely nothing!

It is recognizing that there is no future, until it gets here...it therefore means nothing in relation to this moment's fulfillment!

It is about "Deciding" to do...RIGHT NOW...what is fulfilling and achieving that "1" by not maximizing the numbers in your "Fulfillment Equation", but by eliminating and minimizing the "numbers" or elements of fulfillment in the equation!

Fulfillment is all about what you decide!

If you are currently not living "fulfilled" and authentically happy...your equation may contain elements that are not adding to your achievement of "1" and detracting from your equation...making it impossible to every achieve what you seek!

It is all about what you Decide!     

The Decided Life - Decisions (Part 1)

Last week I received a note from a dedicated reader of the "Weekend Update" saying..."...enough on the introduction of living the Decided Life...tell us what decisions we have to make..."

"...What decisions do I have to make to be successful and happy?..."


My Response

I wish that I could simply say, "Only two decisions..."

The first one is to decide to be successful and the second is to decide to be happy!

The fact of the matter is that it is that simple, but at the same time, it is significantly more complex!

How can that be?

Let's start with on of my "Epiphanies of the Utterly Obvious"

"...When you find yourself in a position that you have to make a decision, you do not have enough information!..."

Those whose have spent any time with me...have heard me say this over and over...and more important...they see me live by this axiom...

Before we can decide to be successful and happy we need information...I call this Stage Setting!


STEP 1

First we need to know what we see success and/or happiness is...

Success and happiness MUST be clearly defined and understood.

It needs to have measurable aspects like, "I consider success as making $1,000 each day or more" or "Happiness is spending at least 3 hours each day of the week, at the beach."

From this point you can then determine if you are successful with a high degree of confidence...in other words, you will know when you have become successful.  If you are making $800 per day, then you can say that are not yet successful...if you are spending 3 hours per day at the beach only on weekends you are not yet successful.

Although I have only cited a small piece of an overall definition of success, you can see what the overall definition should look like.

To ensure that it covers all aspects...use the words "and" and "or"

To go a bit deeper, all of your definitions should sound like a LONG run-on sentence.  Success is making $1,000 every day of the year and spending 3 hours each day at the beach, rain or shine and...and...and...!

There will be many more and should be,,,"ands" and "ors" in your definition, just make sure that you have covered EVERY aspect of what it will take for you to say that you are successful...

Don't be like those who refuse to clearly define success and happiness and claim. "I will know it when I see it!" or "I am leaving doors open...just in case..."  These people often have success in the grip and they let it go because they didn't realize that it was there!


STEP 2

Once you have defined real Success and Happiness, you can use what you now "know you want" to understand what you currently have.

This is actually quite simple.

Once you understand that success is making $1,000/day and you need to see how much you are currently making each day.  For this extended example we'll say $240/day.

If spending 3 hours/day at the beach will make you happy, you can then look at your current life and see that you how much you are spending.  We'll sat that you are spending less than an hour each day.

Repeat this for each and every part of the Step 1 definitions until you have covered each.


Step 3

The next step compares where you are to where you need to be.

This is easy!

I am making $240/day and need to be making $1,000/day to be successful.  I am $760/day from success.

I am spending 1 hour/day at the beach and I will be happy when I spend 3 hours/day.  I need to spend 2 hours more each day to be happy.


NEXT STEPS

We are now ready to begin deciding.

But not today!

We'll do this in the near future!

For now, it is important that you clearly define and understand What "Success and Happiness" specifically is for you.  Work diligently at this understanding,,,to the point that you can not deny that you are successful and happy.  If there is any doubt, you need to work harder.

Be patient...good things are worth working for...

Your success and happiness depends upon it!

The Decided Life - I wish I had...

"Hindsight is 20/20..."

"If I had only..."

"It would be so much different if I would have..."


How many times have you heard...or made...statements like the aforementioned?

Hindsight and regret are normal conditions of anyone who is on the path to a better place in life!

Yet hindsight and regret are powerfully destructive emotions...

By themselves they are nothing but feelings...but these feeling easily turn into negative reactions that cause "vicious circles" of inaction...or worse...negative responses...leading to more "poor decisions" and more regret...

I wish I had...

Stop wishing and decide!

Success and Authentic Happiness is just a few decisions away!

That is what the "Decided Life" is all about!

It is a simple answer to a situation that we believe is complicated...

That's Right...

..."The Decided Life" is not complicated...but it is systematic...

It, by necessity, needs to follow a prescribed path to ensure that the right thoughts are deeply embedded and act as a foundation for the future...

The hardest part of "The Decided Life" is submitting to it!


Let's start down the path to living a Decided life...

That is...

...if that is what you decide!

But before we do...let's begin by committing to making only informed decisions...


More Decided life...

As the name implies, the Decided Life is a life guided by conscious decisions AND conscious acceptance of the consequences...

The important part at this point is acceptance of the consequences...whether they are known and anticipated...or they are unknown and unanticipated!

It must start with a decision to live a decided life...

For many this is a terrifying option!

The thought of living with total responsibility for the decisions made and a lack of options is totally unacceptable...that is...until one realizes that the life that they are living is actually no different!


Shifting Gears

There are 3 viable decisions...

1 - To do something
2 - Not to do something
3 - Not to decided

Most of our life is controlled by option 3...YES that is true...


Why do we live in option 3?

Because we often do not recognize that there was an option or a decision afforded us!  As a result we just went with the flow...we let life take its own course...and then the only option given to us is how hard we complain and moan and whine about how unfair life is!

Let's not get too deep today...

Let's simply consider what living the Decided life means...

It means deciding to take control of what you can...and deciding to let go of those things and situations you want to control...

It truly is about reestablishing your boundaries...and...

Deciding to live a decided life...


Life lesson...

"The Decided Life" has an interesting perspective. 

Last week a friend brought over a large "veggie" sub sandwich.  It was so large that I could not eat it in its entirety.  I actually ate more than I should have.  I was totally full!  I hate to waste things...so...I wrapped the uneaten portion in foil and set in in the refrigerator...and forgot about it!

Two days later I remembered it and retrieved it...

Opening the foil I saw that it was inedible...

It was soggy...the lettuce had looked really bad!  I don't have to go further...It was YUCKY!

I threw it away!

Yesterday, my stomach growled and I went to the refrigerator...opened the door and saw nothing appetizing! 

My mind wandered back to the sub!

I wished that I had it now!

If I hadn't thrown it away...

WAIT!

The garbage pick-up company hasn't emptied the dumpster yet!

I could go out and dig through the trash find the trash bag and retrieve the sub!

I know!  EWWWWWW!

This is simply to make a point...

What was DECIDED a week ago was right for the time...

Changes in conditions and situations do not make the previous decisions less or more right...

A week ago...

I had kept half of it because I DECIDED that I couldn't eat any more of it...

Two days later...

I threw it away because I DECIDED that if I ate what I retrieved...it would make me sick...

My current state of hunger does not make my prior decisions bad!

I was hungry now...but...

Did I really wish I had kept that sandwich?

NO!

As trivial as this seems...this simple story sets the stage for the next aspect of the Decided Life...

BIGGEST MISTAKE

At this point...If you have decided to live decided...you have now taken the first step...and have averted making the single biggest mistake that people make in living a successful and authentically happy life,,,

NOT STARTING!