Is "Tolerance" the Kiss of Death?

"Come on...you can do better than that!"

That was a phrase that we grew up with...

Many psychologists would say that statements like this are counter-productive...even damaging!

I disagree in part with that belief!

If success is the destination...then...criticism is part of the journey!

Like everything worthwhile in life...if success is what one truly desires...then ciriticism is one of the costs of obtaining it...

Our Whimpy Society

We have spent too much of our lives "sugar coating" mediocrity...

"...we dont want to hurt fragile psyches!"

Don't misunderstand me...criticism is not all good...it is a double-edged sword...

So....

There is a point where I agree with the psychologists that call criticism damaging...

If the criticism stands alone...like the opening sentence...and it puts the responsibility, for improvement, totally upon the criticized...this can and, more often than not, be damaging...especially when the criticized is trying the best that they know how...

However the tables can be easily turned!

I suggest the following criteria for criticism...AND...

...if tis criteria is not met...

...one should NOT criticize!

In other words...KEEP YOUR CRITICISM TO YOURSELF!

Criteria for Productive and Beneficial Criticism

It is this simple...

1.  The criticism must identify the specific behavior and its detrimental impact...
2.  The criticism MUST include a reasonable and achieveable suggestion for improvement...
3.  The "criticizer" MUST sincerely volunteer to substantially assist the "criticized" in achieving the recommended improvement!

An individual has no right to criticize unless they put some skin in the game!

"We are in this together" has to be the driving force in the world of criticism...

"Just say'in" doesn't cut it!

That popular phrase is simply dumping responsibility on the individual and is nothing more than a selfish statement!

Let it be known that noone has a right to an opinion without a vested interest and a contribution to the improvement...

We have become a "whimpy" society...simultaneously tolerant and intolerant...

That is a good thing...

But operationally we have a problem...

The problem is that we have them switched!

HUH? 

We are tolerant of the things we should abhor...

AND...

Intolerant of those things that do not matter!

The good thing...is that this can easily be fixed with discipline and consistency!

When we tolerate because we are too busy or tired...it is a bad thing!

When our tolerance is springs from understanding...it is a good thing!

It is a bad thing...when we tolerate because we are lazy or apathetic or calloused!

It is a good thing...when it builds and unites...rather than destroys!

The "Do unto others" thing really holds true here!

The strange thing that most of our society knows the "Do unto others" thing...and they still have nasty mouths and attitudes?

I have to wonder if these individuals are really asking to be treated like that in their treatment of others...

I sure hope not...

Because if that is true...our world is more messed up than we think!

MORE ON CRITICISM...

The "Do unto others" is true in criticism of others...but did you realize that this also holds true in our criticism of "self?"

STOP Being Your Own Worst Critic!

Let's mess with the "Do unto others" saying...

"Do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you!"

Self-criticism is just as damaging as that coming from another...especially when it doesn't follow my suggested criteria for productive criticism...

In somewhat of a "tongue-in-cheek" fashion...When the person who you are closest to criticizes you (you criticizing yourself) without a plan for improvement AND a commitment to improving...it achieves little but pointing out the failure and emphasizing the weakness that the self possesses!

It is self-deprecating!

Use the criteria on yourself...if not...stop self criticism!

Enough said!

On Being Judgemental...

The old warning...

"...judge not...lest you yourself will be judged..."  is so true!

We have no right to judge another for their actions...good or bad!

We can only state whether or not we would do that ourselves!

Judgement of others extends not only to criticism (the negative side) but also to the positive side!

Although compliments of others are good behaviors...we must be careful about the use of them...

Moderation is the key...and the criteria for positive criticism still holds true!

Criticism is important...but from whom?

We can not survive and thrive without criticism or judgement...

Someone has to be able to judge/criticize our actions...

Who?

Us...on ourselves!

We must be the judge of our own behaviors...

...the only person that you have a right to judge is yourself...

You have a right to feel good when you do something good!

Pat yourself on the back!

But remember...you do not have the right to hurt yourself!

Any more than others have the right to hurt you...or...no more than you have the right to hurt another person!

Judgement and criticism loses its ability to cause damage when it is put in the light of the obtainable improvement...and assistance to obtaining the standard that drove the original criticism...

Our society would be "so much the better" if we became less tolerant of mediocrity...more critical of it...stepping up to make better things happen!

I am not a proponent of tolerance...if it is a battle worth fighting for...

If it doesn't matter...don't worry about it!

If it does matter...make it happen with a loving passion!

I could go on...but it is the weekend...

Have a restful one!

I know where you head is going...

"OK Phil...interesting weekend update...but I know that you can do better than that!"

I can with your suggestions and assistance!

If you are willing...

Otherwise...

Enough Said!

Pura Vida!