I have been pondering the role that our pasts play in our present levels of success...
On the surface...the answer to these thoughts seem very self-evident...
Certain experiences shape us positively and others negatively...
Or do they?
For most of my life...I accepted that conclusion...but as I dug deeper I now have to say...
I think not!
Even though...It would be so cool if they did...
Because if it were true...we could build a success equation and a plan that would make everyone successful!
We could control every one's experience and shape a person from "birth to adulthood" and control their success...
When you think through it...that belief is pretty stupid!
The fact is...what we are is determined not by the events of our lives, but by how we react to each event!
This may sound like a seemingly insignificant difference and simply semantic...but it is not...it is critical!
Why...while working to address a specific customer issue for a company, I came upon an interesting epiphany of the utterly obvious...
1 - "Nothing is new under the sun!" which mean that there are few if any rare and unique events in an individual's life.
2 - There are no differences in the events experienced by successful and unsuccessful people
I was looking for and expecting some unique events or experiences and found exactly the opposite!
By type and frequency the successful and unsuccessful people had the EXACTLY same life experiences and events...it was what they did with them...HOW THEY REACTED!
The only difference I could find was that some people were successful and some were unsuccessful...
Despite what they encountered!
All I could conclude at that point was...
The events in a person's life had nothing to do with their success...
When it came to events and experiences...
What shapes one individual positively...could have extreme negative effects on another.
That makes our success a very individualistic thing and somehow completely within our control!
If the events are still important...I concluded that "what we are" is about how we react to events...
This means that we can not blame the outside world for our successes or failures...
It removes almost every excuse people use to explain or justify their failures...except for those that point inward toward said individual...
That begs the question...
What REACTIONS from your past have shaped you into what you are today?
Why?
What things are you encountering today and decisions to react...are you making...that are shaping your future?
These are interesting questions to ask of yourself...if you are seriously pursuing success!
There is no value in a quick answer...
My advice...DO NOT answer them superficially!
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There is a line in a song that comes into my conscious thoughts often...
It has shaped who I am and how I work...
"...if you get the message...you can refuse it..."
"...if you get the meaning...you'll never lose it..."
This simple combination of 18 words has shaped the way I think about how I communicate...
Not just the messages that verbally convey...
or the messages that I write...
But also what I do and the messages that my actions and reactions send...
Have you thought about that?
Does that matter to you?
Probably not...that was simply one of my life-shaping reaction to 18 words in a specific order...
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I was walking on the beach the other day and there was a clear bottle bobbing in the surf.
My "promotion" of the 21st century philosophy of "Quantum Obligation" has shaped me to the point that I feel obligated to leave every moment better for my having been there...
That obligation often guides my behaviors...(I hope one day that it is apparent in EVERY MOMENT)
As a result, I waded out to collect a piece of trash (which I assumed ) was left by some irresponsible "beacher!"
When I grabbed it, I could see that it was more than trash...it had a message in it!
I was totally intrigued by what it had to say...
I imagined that it was from an some exotic location...far from where is stood...
I imagined a cry for help...or a piece of insightful wisdom...
I left the water and hurriedly opened the bottle and shook the note out...
The note read...
I put this note in the bottle on (it was actually the same day's date)
I threw it in the ocean at Hollywood Beach, Florida (the was right where I was standing)
When you read it, please contact me...
Name
Address
Telephone Number
I an not conducting an experiment or looking for someone to talk with...
I just want to know that someone read this note...
I was disappointed!
The message was "blah"
It was thrown in the water at the same place that I found it...AND...
Probably just a few minutes before I happened upon it!
It wasn't going anywhere!
The tide was coming in!
Moreover...
The message really did or said nothing but was sent to serve the sender's need to know that they were heard...
Beyond my picking up a piece of trash from the beach...I felt that the effort that I expended was a total waste...
More on this later...
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Let's chase another interesting thought...
Humans have a unique capability...that sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom...
Let's start with agreement on a simple word...
"Run"
To "run" means to increase one's pace beyond what is normal.
Agree?
What I realized is that humans are the only animal that can "run" for extreme distances...Marathons...Tri-athalons...
We can push ourselves beyond that of any other animal!
Other may be faster...but none can run as far as we do!
We are built to run like that!
It is our legs...our pelvis and rib cage that allows this...
That combined with our psychological construct...
I can not find any other species capable of that!
Can you?
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Where is this all going?
Even to me it sounds like rambling!
The first realization that this week brings is that it is not events that shape us into what we are...or going to be...
It is our reactions...
Also...there are no external excuses for our current state...
Stop blaming what you are encountering...your parents, or some other person...
...It is you and you alone who control your reactive state!
Have you heard the message...of this...or have GOT the meaning...
OK...let's go a bit further...
It isn't the message in the bottle that was important...but the message of the bottle...
We have to become fully aware what message is really being sent...whether said or not!
The bottle carried many more messages by its very existence than just the words on the paper it held...
You do too!
We are all little "message bottles" bobbing in an ocean...some of us are far from shore...others just coming in...still others are heading out...and still others where thrown in at the wrong time!
You have a message, sealed tightly within you...
Does it match what your entire being conveys?
Will those who listen to you get the message...or your meaning?
OK...let's go a bit further...
Do you think I forgot about the REACTION part of my comments?
We are (figuratively speaking) success or failure containers!
The messages that we send are meaningless unless the listener has a reaction...
The messages that we carry and send are of our own choosing...
It is more important to observe the messages that we convey than those we carry...
The bottle that I found conveyed that the sender knew nothing about tides...or littering!
The message itself told me that the person just wanted to be heard...
Both wasted my time...
The bottom line...it is your past reactions that determine your present state...and combined with those...your current reactions that determine future...
Spend less time on channeling events and more time on controlling your reactions and you'll be significantly closer to success...
OH YES! We (some of us) can run 25 miles and no other species is built to do that...
How do these fit together to guide us closer to an understanding and action toward success?
Life isn't a sprint!
Successful people understand that the "success race" is terribly long...and mostly uphill...
AND the fact of the matter is...
You are built to achieve it!
Message or Meaning?
PURA VIDA!
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ReplyDeleteYes! THIS is about choice! Really Phil, the more I think about it, the more it works and makes sense. and YOU have helped me along with this Free choice theory. Lessee, You said...
ReplyDelete"What we are is determined not by the events, but by our reaction to them."
I agree fully. Because We choose how we react to them. I have been taught to react positively to everything in my life. Before I was taught this, I would have had negative or positive reactions, as an average person would do. But now, now that I know "the secret," I see problems as oppotunities! disasters as challenges that will make me stronger! Death as an ultimate reward for my life. all this because of MY choice.
"What shapes one individual positively... could have extreme negative effects on another."
Yes! Because of God's gift of our ONE divine right, Choice.
"that makes success a very individualistic thing and SOMEHOW completely within our control."
Yes again! and that control is CHOICE! 'Choose wisely!" An example here. I have two sons that are married (good marriages) and two grandchildren with #3 on the way. This is an example of my choices throughout my life. Choices like admitting that I was an angry man and it was transferrring onto my sons. Admitting this to them and choosing to pray and ask forgiveness and healing together. Choosing to do Scouts and soccer and guns and fishing. Choosing to say I love you and I am proud of you. choosing to love unconditionally. choosing to apologize when mistakes were made to wife and children.
All my life as a dad, the choices I made formed not only me but them too. Truly, success, in the long and VERY profitable run, was in MY control!
"I concluded that what we are is about how we react to events."
That reaction is choice.
"this means that we cannot blame the outside world for our sucesses or failures."
THIS... brings up a whole nother area called "victim- responsible. You can choose to be a victim and blame the spouse for your divorce, or be responsible and realize that you MARRIED that spouse, thus YOU are responsible. Not blame, but responsiblity. the responsible person fixes the problem and NOT the blame. Nuff said for now here. This is yet another HUGE study.
I could go on and on about this... I agree with you! but I control my life with my choices. I control cause and effect with my choices. This is not God's greatest gift, but I believe it is the ONE divine right we have.
This also will eventually lead into the great secret. There are those who will manipulate the great secret and say that they can get money that way. Whether or not that is possible, I will not debate, but I will say that those who do this are small and foolish. In my life, I have used the great secret, and I have other things to show for it. I have peace, I have abundance. I have wisdom, ( well, at least a bit) I have Joy. (to me happiness is temporary, Joy is permanent) I have fulfillment. I have a promise of a great future beyond my own years, and, as I said before, I look forward to a GREAT death, and new life.
And, in this world, I have the challenge of sharing my lifestyle with a world that is warring and hateful, Poor, foolish, angry (or sad,) empty, and live only for the moment because they see no future.
U.S. Army Ranger Jeff Struecker made a similar observation when recalling his experience in the Mogadishu incident (a.k.a. Black Hawk Down) - as he struggled with himself and God about having to go back out into the streets of Mogadishu, fearing for his life... he came upon this truth: "The difference between a hero and a coward is NOT the fear; it's what you do with that fear." That realization motivated him to go back out and perform the task he was needed for. He understood the MEANING.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely correct! It is not what you have ...but what you do with it! This insight makes all the difference in success!
ReplyDelete